News & Reviews
All the DJ and author buzz that’s unfit to publish!
By BPM Smith
It’s the year of the
by two hot novels on tap for release in 2006. In one is a serial killer
who targets obese women and the other has a maniac hounding a female
detective. Meanwhile, is someone terrorizing San Francisco’s club scene
with the ‘date rape’ drug? Also, blind mentions galore plus the latest
celebrity train wreck novelist...
New Year’s diet already failed?
We’ve been lusting for a look at Perfection,
the latest novel by veteran author Walter
Satterthwait since the deal was
announced last summer, and this
week publisher St. Martin’s sent a pre-release copy. Yeehaw! And just
as soon as we hire body guards for our girlfriend, mother and sister
we’ll let you know if this juicy tome lives up to the buzz.
Why circle the wagons? You must’ve forgotten, Perfection’s eerie
premise is about a serial killer who targets women. Wait a minute, it
says here clinically obese
women. Ok, no worries! Catch Perfection in
bookstores beginning February 7. Satterthwait also says he will do a
quickie book tour in the San Francisco Bay Area later in the month.
Force-feed the jerk Thorazine!
Is a pervert targeting women at San Francisco nightclubs for a ‘date
rape’ tragedy? We continue to hear stories of clubbers in The City --
mostly attractive young women -- blacking out and going bonkers after
drinking just one or two cocktails. From what we can gather, it’s
certain clowns in the club scene who are poisoning unmanned drinks with
the drug GHB, either for sick amusement or in hopes of seducing an
In once incident, a female friend who can normally out-drink us any day
of the week tried bum rushing the DJ booth and had to be dragged out of
Ruby Skye after drinking one Red Bull and vodka. Her boyfriend carried
her home, where she was sick for eight hours and has no recollection of
In another case, a DJ who spins regularly in San Francisco but lives in
the suburbs had an overnight friend barrel into his bedroom and vomit
on he and his sleeping girlfriend. In the morning, the beat up buddy
was seen horrifying suburban dog walkers as he crawled around the front
lawn projectile vomiting. He remembers nothing.
We’ve also heard of another half dozen incidents in recent months, and
in at least two cases police reports were filed. However, it’s unlikely
these sick losers will get nailed unless they’re observed tossing a
pill into somebody’s cocktail that later tests positive for GHB. The
best solution is common sense: Never lose sight of your drinks and keep
an eye on your friends. While GHB has been known to kill people, it’s
also a somewhat popular recreational drug for its euphoric effects in
Hypothetical question finally
Place a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk on a table and who wins the
ensuing catfight, a 400-pounder or a detective trained to leap tall
buildings? We’ll find out in May, when Kensington imprint Pinnacle
releases Shane Gericke’s debut
novel Blown Away
The mystery/suspense follows a female detective trying to stop a killer
who has targeted guess who as his next victim? The detective, of course.
Gericke also told .45 that his agent Bill
Contardi at Brandt & Hochman recently sold the Turkish
rights to Blown Away.
Q not A!
Which DJ has trouble juggling marijuana and decks? This past weekend
the brutha smoked a joint while performing and proceeded straight into
a train wreck. First he committed the ultimate turntablist error by
running five seconds of silence. Minutes later he repeatedly mumbled at
the mixer, "What is it?"
while bleeding two tracks together and forgetting to fade away … Which
celebrity author has drowned in a mountain of cocaine since her heavily
hyped book posted worse-than-expected sales? The book was discounted at
certain California Barnes & Nobles stores shortly after its 2005
release, and some expect her to check into rehab in a matter of weeks …
Which world-renowned DJ sported ‘plumber butt’ during a recent
performance in San Francisco? In a reversal of the ‘briefs or boxers’
argument, she wears a thong.
Stop! Just stop it!
They say that ‘platform’ is becoming a pass’e buzzword but with the
publishing industry continuing to churn out god-awful drivel by
celebrities, we doubt it. Hot on the heels of sludge from Paris Hilton and Star Jones, Miramax Books is taking
things one step further and releasing a debut ‘novel’ called Junior from actor Macaulay Culkin on March
Reviews already stepped up and described Culkin’s ramblings as
"scraps on a trash heap" but let’s be real, that sucker couldn’t write
a grocery list while stranded at Home
Alone, much less a novel. Meanwhile, the moronic Johnny Knoxville says he’s now
working on his own novel but we suspect he’ll never finish the hack job
since he’s a drunken Jackass.
If he does complete the manuscript, odds
are that publisher interest will drive his literary turd to auction.
Win big then disappear!
Has William Morris already forgotten about 2005 World Series of Poker
champion Joe Hachem? The
Aussie has been oddly quiet since signing with the New York talent
agency in hopes of becoming a mainstream star. Meanwhile, Mike "The Mouth" Matusow, who
staggered into ninth place at last year’s WSOP, has appeared on Full
Tilt Poker’s Learn from the Pros
on FOX Sports Net and Spike TV’s The King of Vegas in recent weeks.
Maybe Hachem is busy writing that book we’ve heard rumblings about? Two
executives at William Morris didn’t respond to detailed e-mails from
.45 regarding Hachem’s activities.
.45 is a column from
WORD’N’BASS.com Editor BPM Smith,
who loves heavy bass, double
espressos and winning the World Series of Poker. He is a financial
reporter for a global news wire, Drum & Bass DJ, and author of 1.75
"gritty and engaging" novels. E-mail him your comments, gossip or
shout-outs at firstname.lastname@example.org
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