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BPM Smith.45: All the author and DJ buzz that’s unfit to publish!
By BPM Smith

Replace "hilarious romp" with "tepid humor" and you’ve got the latest post dot-com gimmick posing as a novel. Also, San Francisco is known for its vibrant DJ scene but one local Drum & Bass spinmeister just graduated to producer status. Plus, blind mentions and the tale of a naked DJ, Russian sexpot, and balls. That’s right, it’s the latest .45 column...

When debut novel becomes last novel!

Back in the dot-com era you could start a website, generate a bit of traffic and cash out with some good old venture capital. Since "dot-bomb" passed as a catch phrase for a minute, the VC has run out but the gimmicks keep rolling in. Karyn Bosnak launched a site with a useless purpose - panhandle strangers to help pay off her credit card debt - and soon the publishing vultures came knocking.

Sure, you could argue that a nonfiction book by the same title as her Save Karyn domain is a guaranteed seller. But does that mean she knows how to write? Harper Paperbacks thinks her debut novel 20 Times a Lady is a "hilarious romp." Either that, or they figured her schtick is good enough to circumvent a storyline "hobbled by limp humor, razor-thin characters and phoned-in prose."

Not everyone in Hollywood is drunk at Cabana Club!

One writer who earned his accolades by learning the craft is Wesley Strick. While chatting about his Hollywood novel Out There in the Dark, we soon realized that relevant life experience + a decade spent banging the keyboard = damn good fiction. Just months after finishing a national book tour, Strick tells us his sophomore novel Wise Child is done and "just now going out to publishers." Literary agent Richard Abate at ICM is handling Wise Child. Give him a holla!

Six months have now passed since Out There launched and Strick is still drumming up publicity for it, doing Elvis Mitchell's public radio show, The Treatment, in a 30-minute interview last week that was broadcast from New York City to Los Angeles. Strick meanwhile wrote the pilot for David Cronenberg film Dead Ringers that’s now getting pitched to TV networks as a series.

Bringing the menace to Drum & Bass!

Just because you’re a San Francisco Drum & Bass DJ doesn’t mean you’re going to launch an album here. We hear Gridlock celebrated the launch of his Project 51 album Break The System P51UK10 last Friday night (July 14) by flying to Los Angeles, where he performed at the regular Muse party at The Stock Exchange Nightclub. The 12-inch vinyl release features Dom & Gridlok’s track Hooked, described as "a menacing exercise in determining exactly how far sound can be pushed before it becomes dangerously impactful." Gridlock remixes a Controlled Substance track on the B side. You know this one’s getting tested on our decks ASAP.

Q not A!

What Bay Area DJ never forgets to inhale? He caused quite a thunder when he spent more time rolling a joint and puffing than spinning records during a recent set. When venue officials asked him to take it outside he threw a fit and refused to stop puffing. Since it is legal, everyone in California now has medical needs, right? What literary/film agency VP dumped a glass of vodka in a reporter’s face after reading a negative article about himself? Seems he’s not in the least worried about "positive mentions," because when later asked about the incident he called the reporter a "piece of shit."

DJ brings extra balls to Wimbledon!

Yes, we’ve heard all about the hard partying Trance music scene in Holland. The Dutch guy who shot up Demerol in our shuttle ride to JFK Airport convinced us of that. But DJ Sander Lantinga must’ve smoked something pretty wicked during the recent Wimbledon tennis tournament. That, or perhaps he just got mesmerized by Russian beauties Maria Sharapova and Elena Dementieva.

Sitting two rows back during their quarter final match, Lantinga whipped off an outfit held together with Velcro, ran in front of Sharapova and did a naked cartwheel. He was arrested for indecent exposure but later released with a caution. Lantinga hosts a radio show Lantinga & Swijnenberg with Dutch station 3FM/BNN that features Trance, House and other beats.

Forget writing, let’s play poker!

While we expected 2005 World Series of Poker champion Joe Hachem to bag a boatload of endorsements, TV appearances and a book deal by now -- his major goals after signing with talent agency William Morris -- he’s finally playing strong enough poker to try and defend his title. He placed second in a WSOP No Limit Hold ‘Em event two weeks ago, echoing his form last year when he bagged $7.5 million for winning the WSOP Main Event as a virtual unknown.

After Hachem brushed off some poker scene uberagents in hopes that the NYC-based talent agency would push him into the mainstream, his biggest endorsement was signing as a spokesman for website PokerStars. As for the poker book he was supposedly working on? Toast like a tilted Phil Hellmuth! Who by the way, has authored not one, but two books from HarperCollins: Play Poker like the Pros and Bad Beats and Lucky Draws.

The 2006 WSOP Main Event, where the first place prize has been bumped up to $13.4 million, starts July 28. And, you guessed it, we are still scheming ways to try and enter this thing.

.45 is a column from WORD’N’BASS.com Editor BPM Smith, who loves heavy bass, Shannon Elizabeth, and winning the World Series of Poker. He is a financial reporter for a global news wire, Drum & Bass DJ, and author of 1.75 "gritty and engaging" novels. E-mail him your comments, gossip or shout-outs at editor (at) wordnbass (dot) com


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